Band names

by wechslerh66

Writer friend Rob in Iowa, waking up John Adams recently (“Howe…will repent his mad march through the Jerseys…They are actuated by resentment now, and resentment coinciding with principle is a very powerful motive”), proposed The Resentments as the hypothetical name for my hypothetical, non-existent “alt-emo postpunk gothic trash can ensemble.”

Unfortunately, it’s taken (though Mad March, however, isn’t).

My remaining top ten band names (in no order; some are genre-dependent, where noted):

1. The Jesus Weasel (grunge)

2. Mellow Carmelo (yeah, it’s a Phillies/Harry Kalas reference from the early 90s)

3. Eamon & the Apes (in honor of the developer who bought my late grandmother’s house to renovate and resell a few months later, an enormous Irish-from-Ireland guy with a thick brogue whose wife Eileen had an even thicker brogue and who expressed shock at what her son was being exposed to in public school in the states, especially in science class, where “they were teaching him about aaaapes!!”–trust me, it works even better with heavy brogue)

4. Mondo Earthquake (not sure the genre, but someone somewhere needs to play a Moog)

5. Claire Booth Lucifer (death metal only–obviously)

6. None is the Number (no Dylan covers, just the honorific)

7. Tolstoy & the Zulus (postcolonial death rap in honor of Saul Bellow‘s worst nightmare)

8. Mantoux Test (because they need to cover Van Morrison’s “T.B. Sheets”)

9. Orphan Drugs

10. The Gravamen (clearly I need other law students for this)

11. The Belle Bottoms (this would actually be a girl group for one of those GIRLS IN THE GARAGE comp CD’s you used to find in the bargain bin, back when record stores existed)

12. Fidelio Castrato (I have no idea what genre this would be though it would not literally involve opera– it would perhaps sound sort of like Throbbing Gristle)

This is actually 12 band names, not 10, though I would be disqualified from membership in, at minimum, the Belle Bottoms (though I suppose I could still mastermind them a la Malcolm McLaren). I had even more names written down, but like the Resentments or those dark sultry women at the dark end of the bar at the Lofty Pines Motel, most of the good ones were actually taken. (Martin Eden exists, as do Tenzing Norgay and Designer Drugs. There is or was even a brutal death metal/grindcore band named Faeces, spelled the British way which I thought would make it even more Spinal Tap-ish. I also have written down that you can add the word “Malignant” in front of any random noun to generate a good band name, but I don’t know if that was my idea or I read it or heard it from someone else dead, like Lester or Paul, Williams or McCartney, they’re both dead, right.)